Mx.D.P

It’s been another tough week. When the going gets tough… the tough get going.

It is Sunday, I am bloody exhausted…

Monday – was hard. Registering Dwain’s death, I knew it would be painful; my son Eddie went with me and watching his face was difficult… he was shocked when I had to pay by credit card for the death certificate… yes, folks, death isn’t free… Eddie said that was some dystopian bullshit… Money has been flying out the door, fixing a broken house, fixing us is more difficult to do… The lady at the bank gave me a fruit cake to take home and have a cuppa with… random acts of kindness are everything…

Tuesday—The tutorial went great. This MA has given me focus, and I have clear ‘paths’ to follow… Big Wave, the Digital-Cruise-Portal, more art festivals, more community art projects, the PhD, and always at its foundation, THE NETWORK… I expect the universe will decide; I don’t presume any more. The Temporal Turn cured me of that illusion… I will do the work and see where I end up.

I’ve been working all week on the feedback strategy for Gwyl Cariad, surveys, and interview questions. We will need good metrics if we are to get funding for next year.

I’m not the only one who’s been working hard. Big Wave put their two-penth in for Jess’s TED Talk Aber, but it was Jess and Issac who put together a fantastic presentation for Jess to deliver.

That’s the amazing thing about a network… for it to work, it has to grow… it has to take on a life of its own…

Thursday – I went to pick up my boobs from the Gay Bookshop, but a tree down stopped Pete from getting into town, so Gender Traitor hangs a little longer. It did give me a chance to test Prof X on the hill! My verdict is scary but do-able… back home to the afternoon MA lecture.. to hear the amazing Clara Duran talk about her practice and PhD.

I found the PhD information helpful, especially as I want to undertake a practice PhD. The subject, however, I found wildly gender dysphoric. We are so lucky on our course to have a wide variety of artists, and I was able to talk on WhatsApp during and after the talk about this. We both had the same reaction. It made me think I need a trigger warning for my presentation next week.

I am on Red Notice at the moment, and my liver and heart are acting up, yet it is me, f*cked and 60, that lives, and my husband, ex-professional cage fighter and wrestler 47, who is dead. It’s enough to give you high blood pressure…

So Friday – saw me in the hospital for an Elastography fibroscan and lots of blood tests from the vamps… well the funny thing about life is the folks you meet on the way. I happened to talk to 3 wonderful women, all of who had lost their husbands or had just dealt with death… I came to the conclusion that as horrific as it was, it could have been much worse and that Dwain had a good death if too soon… the scan was normal… the bloods we will have to see…

Saturday – was a sunny day. The TED talk was in town, but I was testing Prof X… to execute my art plans; I need to be mobile. I need to learn how to navigate myself around the world. This is proving, as always, to be a challenge. From cruise ships to art galleries, not to mention Transport for Wales trains, I can tell you it’s a complete minefield! I won’t bore you; I just want to say that I have the bloody art equation to deal with before I do any art. Can I get there? How much pain will I suffer in getting there? Will that poo get stuck in my bum when I am in the restaurant toilet, and how will I dig it out? Will that broken glass bottle puncture my powerchair wheels? Will those daft tw*ts move out of the way when I am trying to get my powerchair through the railway carriage door, which only has a cm of clearance on each side? …no wonder crips are notoriously cross…

Sunday—I am bloody exhausted. Oh yes, that’s where I started this blog. I hope the cats are not sick tonight and don’t have me up letting them in and out all chuffing night. I hope my hips don’t hurt and I can have some sleep… I’m looking forward to the low-res. I might just sleep all week at the Premier Inn…